I thought I would like this place better if transportation wasn't an issue. It's not an issue anymore and I don't enjoy this area more than before.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine a place that's unfriendly, crowded and expensive. Now if what I just described sounds a lot like any large city, then please, add on the insane sameness of 1950s suburbs coupled with identical looking steel and glass apartment buildings all with the same population of young professionals sporting perfectly made up faces and pencil skirts or pantsuits on the weekday and jogging clothes on the weekend. Add the traffic of the city to these suburbs and you have where I'm living.

Some days are better than others. Some days I can crawl out of bed without having been woken up by heavy stomping and loud creaking of my fat upstairs neighbors and take a pleasant stroll to work, enjoying the fresh air and occasional honks from men driving beatup, fifteen year old vehicles. Some days I can enjoy the bike paths that wind their way into DC and the glorious selection of Thai eateries and that I can get a shipment of fresh fruits and vegetables delivered to my door every week.

Other days, my only haven is this block of an office on the 7th floor with one large window spaning from one side to the other, one half of the office painted bright orange, the other a subdued cool gray. These days I don't mind that I can see my stubbly legs through the glass top of the desk (mostly because I mistake them for goosebumps). These days, I take comfort in the infinite supply of hot cocoa and an infinitely more empty mug sitting in front of me.

It's these days that I wonder if this haven of work is worth my unhappiness outside the office. I wonder why I hated Baltimore so much and why I love it now. Is it the familiarity of a place that I've lived before? Would I hate it if I moved back there again? If I moved here, would I still hate it? Is there anyplace besides the slightly rural town close to two major cities that I'll like as much? Is there anyplace I can call home?

To pass the time, sometimes search the online real estate or rentals. I try to imagine what my life would be like if I could afford a 3 mil loft in downtown Arlington, and then I remember that if I made enough money to afford that, I probably wouldn't be living here. Then I like to imagine what my life would be life in a different city. I'd move to Durham, rent a cute 2 bedroom bungalow for as much as I'm paying for rent now, bike downtown to my job at a cool web design firm, pick up scones from the bakery down the street and cringe whenever someone mentions how awesome Duke is. Or maybe I wait for someone to come back and pick me up out of this dense suburban jungle and take me back to live in my grandmothers house where I'll work out of my grandfather's old office and try my luck at acquiring a green thumb.

And then, once I'm gone, a year or so later I'll be lamenting about the lack of bike paths and thai food and being able to walk to work.